don't eat my cupcake
by 89724princess-lauren
Summary: Dylan and Max were on a lovely evening fly when Dylan finds a cupcake and takes a bite out of it. It wasn't just any cupcake. It was AUTHOR'S cupcake. Not for Dylan fans. Basically just Dylan being tortured to death. and it's crap. It was really fun to write though :) oneshot


**I was inspired to write this piece of crap when I went to Medieval Times with one of my best friends, Rachel, and saw the Museum of Torture. When I got home I was so tired from fangirling so much. And yes, that's right, most people fangirl over 1D or something, I fangirl over torture instruments and swords. Anyway, I know the beginning is kind of boring with the Max Dylan romance thing, but it gets better once my favorite OC, Author appears. If you like MaxxDylan then this is not the fanfic for you. Plz review I love reading them, even if it's hate, if the fanfic is crap like this then I just think its funny.**

**I don't own maximum ride otherwise Dylan would have been killed like this within the first chapter. Like, he wouldve randomly appeared and been killed so he never would have appeared in any other books. Even though that would completely mess up the story. Yeah, obviously I dont own maximum ride the only thing I can write is crap similar to this.**

Dylan was on a nice, evening fly with Max. He was loving it. The sun was setting, there was a light, crisp autumn breeze, everything was perfect.

Max looked absolutely beautiful. The fading light was reflecting off her hair and skin; the wind tossled her clothes.

"Why are you staring at me?" She asked, her tone light.

Dylan blushed and looked away. "N-no reason."

Max laughed.

Everything was perfect.

"Ooh!" Max pointed to a big maple tree, it's leaves vibrant reds and oranges, "let's land there!"

Dylan agreed. Max took his hand and together they dove down. Dylan loved the warmth of her hand in his.

Together they landed on a thick branch and sat down next to each other. The wind had blown a strand of Max's hair in her face, Dylan gently pushed it back behind her ear.

For some reason, a random cupcake was sitting next to them. Dylan spotted it, and picked it up.

"Max, look at this!" He said. His caribbean blue eyes sparkled. Dylan loved cupcakes.

He held it out to Max, to see if she wanted some.

"Oh, no. I'm good," she said, and lightly pushed it back to him.

BURN! HAHA STUPID DYLAN MAX REJECTED YOU!

Narrator apologizes for interrupting.

Dylan shrugged his shoulders and took a bite.

And that's when all hell broke lose.

_"THAT... WAS... MY... CUPCAKE!"_ A voice from behind them boomed. Dylan and Max spun around and encountered...

A very angry Author.

Now, there are many different levels of scary things in this world. There are not-so-scary things, like a barking dog. There are kind-of-scary things, like an attacking grizzly bear. There are very-scary-things, like hearing strange noises in your house when your home alone at night and then looking around and seeing something out of a horror movie in real life. There are super-scary-things like running from a phantom through a dark forest at night without a flash light, tripping over a dead body, the body grabbing your ankle, and then slenderman appearing. And then there's Author when you eat her cupcakes.

Author loves cupcakes.

If you are a character in one of my demented fanfics, the one person you do not want to piss off is Author. She is the Author so she can do whatever she wants to you. She can do terrible, terrible, things.

Dylan put his hands up. "Sorry, didn't know." Author glared at him some more. "Here, you can... Have it back," he said cautiously, and gingerly placed it on the tree toward her.

"I DON'T WANT IT BACK! YOU BIT IT!" Author screeched at him, and kicked the cupcake.

Narrator wants to point out that normally Author eats everything whether it's been on the floor or biten into and what not, but decides against it when Author sends her a death glare. If looks could kill Narrator wouldn't just be under a headstone, but completely destroyed, with her ashes spread from the four corners of the world.

Author then made the scenery change from a pretty sunset to a dungeon filled with torture devices. She grabbed Dylan by the back of his shirt and dragged him over to some kind of piece of metal. She shoved his thumbs in between the pieces of metal and squeezed something. The metal crushed his thumbs. Dylan screamed.

"YOU MUST PAY!" Author shrieked.

Once Dylan's thumbs were completely deformed she dragged him over to another big hunk of metal with a rope hanging down. She pulled his hands behind his back, and tied them to the rope. Then she twisted this thing and Dylan was lifted up by his hands. He screamed and his shoulders popped out of their sockets. Author lifted him up more, and then dropped him about a foot, jerking his shoulders back more, resulting in more screaming.

Then she dropped him on the ground and untied him. She dragged him over to a chair with arm rests and spikes sticking up on it. She made him sit on the chair and begin hitting his arms and legs, pushing them deeper into the spikes.

By now Dylan was in a haze of pain.

Author was laughing manically.

Once Author was done with that torture she pulled him over to this other piece of metal and stuck his head in it. She twisted something and it began crushing his head. She twisted it until it had crushed Dylan's skull and killed him.

Then she let him out. "There," Author said cheerfully, "that should teach you not to eat my cupcakes."

Max stared in horror at the bloody corpse of the boy who, a few hours ago, was watching the sun set with her.

"Don't you think you went a bit over board?" Narrator asked Author.

Author thought for a moment before shaking her head.

Fang suddenly swooped in and began to comfort Max.

Author and Narrator disappeared into sparkly smoke. Author was holding an uneaten cupcake in her hand when she left.

Once they were gone the scenery went back to normal and Fang took Dylan's place next to Max as they watched the sun disappear over the horizon.

And so the moral of this story is...

Everyone, together!

DON'T EAT AUTHOR'S CUPCAKES!

*cough* Ericka *cough*


End file.
